black eyes (with Mara Anne)

These are the words I want to say when I float away and leave my body behind. Time dissipates when I am dancing. My movement encapsulates the interconnectedness of memory, instinct, emotion, and truth. But when the sweat dries and the clocks start up again, my identity can become distorted and blurred. Regret, guilt, fear, and loss flood my mind, ripping me away from the love that colors my life. This is disassociating for me; I am no longer in control of my body, words, or feelings and I am a shell with empty eyes. My mind hovers and every conversation is empty. My loved ones feel abandoned while we are sitting right across from one another. I wrote these lyrics while fighting a dissociative episode and I managed to come back to myself through making my experience tangible and real with words and sound. This song is a reclamation of myself. When I’m ready to become real again, patient love is always there to welcome me back home.