I’ve moved around a lot in my life and with every move I always had this hope that my problems wouldn’t be able to follow me across oceans. It took me a great deal of time to realise that peace of mind hinges more on the characters than locations. If I didn’t change my behavioural patterns and kept being around people who were toxic for me at my own expense, then I would remain mentally, emotionally and physically sick. The song is inspired by something someone I was once close to said to me. This person said that I was ‘the ugliest person in the world' and that my 'make-up makes me look like a ridiculous clown' and everyone else thinks so but that she is the only person kind enough to tell me the 'truth’. I knew that this statement was the only ridiculous thing in that situation and that it was intended to hurt and control me…but even though it was completely absurd and my physical appearance doesn’t determine my worth as a person...a small part of me still wondered if others saw me that way. This wasn’t the first comically hurtful thing this person had said to me. I had endured a lifetime of uncomfortably over the top praise on some days and exposively abusive criticisms that contradicted the former on other days. Not very long after the clown comment I finally made the decision to cut out people and things that hurt me, but what I didn’t anticipate was the loneliness that would follow. Something good or bad would happen to me and I would pick up my phone with the urge to tell a loved one…and then remember that I was better off putting the phone back down.